Recently I have been guided to start writing a blog more focused on how to live and cope as an empath Indigo. Honestly, I find it rather daunting and tiring to think about it. After thirty-nine years, I’m not even sure where to begin. So I started trying to research more on what an empath actually does, and mostly how to live with it. It’s not a survival skill that I have mastered at middle-age. So I shouldn’t be that surprised to find that there’s little help for empaths in books, audio, and on the internet. All of its generic “How to Tell if You’re an Empath in 7 Steps”. Ugh…. yeah, well…. I’m pretty sure what to look for:
1. Guilt laden… almost to the point of being convinced that you are Catholic. And if you are Catholic, you’re going to be harsher on yourself for the most mundane things. Forget the toothpaste at the store? Guilt. Had one too many drinks for the first time in months? Guilt. Smoked that occasional cigarette while you were drinking? Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. As empaths we carry guilt around with us, like we carry our cellphone. We never would leave it home.
2. Can’t STAND horror movies or any form of violence. I never could. I was actually the girl at slumber parties who would hang out with the parents while my girlfriends watched “Pet Cemetery”. I literally missed the whole “Nightmare on Elm Street” excitement when it came out. Then I felt guilty for missing the movie with my friends. When I finally did see them as an adult? I was terrorized. It’s not the gory effects that bothered me (although it didn’t help either), but the psychology behind the writing of the script. I thought it was scary that something so evil could be conjured from thin air. It made me wonder where those stories really came from.
3. We love more than we should. I know, this seems a bit martyrdom doesn’t it? I swear though, for the past ten years I have been trying to love less, and it turned me into a bit of a bitch when I have to be. Empaths take everyone for face value, and we let ourselves get hurt over and over until we make ourselves sick. We feel responsibility for other people’s happiness. We often get into relationships because we feel we can “HELP” someone. The truth is, we can’t. Most of us are just as screwed up from our childhood. We use “goofy” behavior, comedy, and give extra love to cover up our own feelings of inadequacy. Then we feel a little guilty about it.
4. We can literally “feel” your thoughts, emotions, and sickness. I can’t tell you how many times since I was a kid that I got “sick” because of someone else who used me as a dumping ground for their own problems. And since I am an empath I never fully understood how to release that energy after being around someone who was sucking mine. It’s especially hard if you are married, and can feel your spouses emotions, and take blame for something you didn’t do. More guilt.
5. Becoming addicts or enabling addicts. When I was growing up, a close relative went through a particular difficult time in her life, and started binge drinking. At fourteen years old, I felt it was my responsibility to look after her. I told myself that I would NEVER drink or smoke… um… at nineteen I was out drinking every night and smoke a pack and a half a day. I still drink almost every night, albeit only two glasses of wine, instead of a fifth of Maddog 20/20. I don’t really smoke anymore, unless the circumstance calls for it. When my dad died, I smoked his brand for about a month. More guilt.
6. Avoiding large parties. One of the things that I like about drinking so much, is that it gives me a numbing effect before I go out to a party. The energy in the room can be so overwhelming that without alcohol, I would probably hide in the corner and cry all evening long. Instead, with a few glasses of liquid courage under my belt, I turn into a social butterfly. I’m out flying around saying hello to everyone. Life is good. Until the next day when I realize how much I’ve had to drink. Have I mentioned guilt? Had I been introduced to alcohol as a child, maybe those slumber parties wouldn’t scare the shit out of me.
7. Being “too sensitive”. God, If I had a quarter for every time someone said this to me. It was said to me by people who didn’t understand that having this “gift” was just that, a gift. As people said that to me on a daily basis growing up, and through adulthood, I started thinking that “I” was the problem. I started to toughen up. I listened to angry music, became a focused businesswoman, smoked, drank, all to “toughen” me up. In reality, there’s no toughening up an empath. When I worked in finance my boss told me that I was “too sensitive” for the job. It should’ve been a sign right then and there that I needed to get out of that environment. Of course, I wanted to please her, so I stayed in the business for the next ten years. I lost a decade of my life living a life that was a lie. The guilt.
8. You physically make me sick. I’m not kidding. As an empath we are susceptible to your ailments. If you have a headache, or are depressed, have an immune disorder, cancer, a broken bone, we can actually FEEL your pain. Sounds like science fiction right? But it’s not, and science is discovering that there is something about empaths that are more connected to others. I don’t pretend to understand it… therefore, I feel guilty about it.
So there it is…
My 8 Ways to Know If You’re An Empath written by an Indigo. I can’t tell you that to this day I have all the answers on how to live with this gift, but I’m willing to try. Heck, since there are no books out there for empaths (by the way if you’re clairvoyant, a medium, clairaudient; Hay House has got you covered), perhaps I will figure out this “gift” with you along the way.
Empaths are the soul of the planet. We love, love, love, and harbor guilt for situations out of our control. We see beauty in everything, heal the planet by our presence, help our friends, family, and neighbors, then take on their physical ailments. We are coming together to help one another. So don’t try to feel guilty about it. Embrace it. Love yourself and the journey you are on.